Comment

How To Nourish Your Life. Nourish Your Everything

How to Nourish Your Life.  Nourishment For Your Everything.

 

I recently lost 11 pounds, and I couldn’t be more excited!  You’d think People Magazine would’ve done a spread, chronicling my journey. (They didn’t.) And it was just that: a journey. Losing 11 pounds was demanding! I have mad admiration and respect for those who take on heavy weight loss challenges.

 

A significant part of my 11-pound journey was nourishing my body. What foods I ate was only one part. Google states: “Nourishment is the food or other substances necessary for growth, health, and good condition.”  I unapologetically started making time for that which really served me.  I started with basic principles: healthy food, 30 minutes of exercise a day, and rest.  I began learning how to eat, using the Weight Watchers program. I exercised and trained for my first 5k in May, and I committed to getting to bed on time so I slept a full 7 hours.  Sounds simple, but it’s hard to actually keep up!.

 

After successfully changing behaviors and routines for a month, I felt more energized, fulfilled, and excited, able to check things off my to-do list while meeting inspiring people in the process.  I reassessed all that I desired and who I wanted to become.  I thought about what was holding me back.  Why aren’t I manifesting these things for myself and, most importantly, of what was I afraid?!

 

 

I started to be more like the person I wanted to be.  I adopted the attitude of the woman I’d wished and thought about becoming.  I didn’t wait until I had the right outfit, hair cut, purse, condo, man, or new body.  I did it NOW. More kindly, responsibly, and happily.  I was fully showing up, present to both myself and those around me. And I continued what I could daily to nourish my soul, my mind, my body.  Even considering ways to make my living room more inviting, or my bathroom feel more like a spa, or my bedroom feel like I had checked into the Four Seasons.  On a deeper level, I asked myself: How can I heal my wounds? With whom am I still upset? Where am I withholding love?  Where am I being vindictive? Where am I being dishonest with myself? And, most of all, with what am I currently unhappy?  I seemed to be asking the “right” questions because I got answers, and I want to share with you.

 

Where is there a deficiency of nourishment in your life?

 

My mentor and coach Derek Rydall says, “Go on a journey to find a little nourishment in all of your areas of life, so you can break the shell and get out. Just like the baby chick who must peck her way out of the shell because she has outgrown the space.”  This is how you strengthen yourself. Peck around to break a few self-limiting shells.  You may be wishing and hoping something or someone comes down from heaven and saves you. You may be running to the gas station playing the lotto in hopes of being rescued from your despair. You may daydream of waking up with a perfect body, hair, and teeth.  You may even be looking for a third job to straighten out some financial woes.  If so, wake up and pinch yourself because you are dreaming!  Even if someone did rescue you, it’s only a matter of time before you must be responsible for yourself, jump out of that tree, and flap them wings.

 

What if someone felt sorry for the cute, little chick and cracked her shell before she was ready?.  What would happen? She wouldn’t survive, she wouldn’t have had enough time to build the strength in her muscles and wings to survive in a larger world, a larger reality.  Her transformational trial was cut short.  You need that transformational trial to test your resolve. Look at yourself as the baby chick, preparing for a bigger world.  Keep pecking around.  When that new world for which you worked so hard finally comes, you will have the strength to soar seamlessly.

 

Your journey and transformational trial is needed. Everyday, find ways to nourish it.  Ask and meditate on those questions I listed above.  Most importantly, discover ways to continue to nourish yourself. I’m certain the baby chick didn’t look around her shell and think, This is some BS! Why did I end up with broke parents? Why am I stuck in here? I’m running out of room, I hate my life.  No, she didn’t! She pecked and nourished herself along the way.

 

Khaliah

Comment

Comment

The Real Reason For Your Baby-Daddy Issues! Mature Baby Momma Series

 

 

This new 6-part series will help you work through your relationship with your baby daddy. This includes: How to navigate parenting together, how to best understand yourself and him, and how your children can best thrive while all together.  Most importantly, you will learn how to love and trust yourself and your decisions.

 

So, I must warn, as you read this 6-part series, I may rub some the wrong way.  I will be as diplomatic as possible, which I normally am not. But being honest and truthful are my primary intentions. So please forgive me if I accidentally offend anyone. Shall we dive in?

 

Let’s say the world is perfect. You meet a guy who is awesome. You fall in love. And while skipping all required steps needed to ensure a healthy relationship, this new love creates a beautiful baby. Or, let’s say the world isn’t as perfect. You meet a guy who didn’t have any intention of creating a meaningful relationship with but you either acted purely on sexual impulse or got caught up in your emotional problems or daddy issues, and, oops, you got pregnant.  

 

Back to this perfect world, we imagine all consequences are erased. Maybe your baby daddy never challenges you, doesn’t act on or even have personal feelings, respects you deeply and agrees with all your parenting techniques, doesn’t have his own issues, has the ability to change your outlook on the world, can be anything and everything you need him to be at anytime. Pretty perfect, right?  Well guess what, that was fun but soon your pretend world unravels. No matter how wonderful you think your baby daddy is, he’ll never be that type of perfect. No one can be!

 

Accepting the realities

 

Though my daughter is 19, I still have to collect myself when communicating with my Baby Daddy. Here’s a good example of how we can get carried away over nothing: When it’s his weekend with our daughter, we do the drop-off/pickup halfway between us (since he lives nearly 40 minutes away). On this particular night, she was scheduled to return to me, so I sent my Baby Daddy a text message, asking what time he’d be there. While I waited for his response, I texted my daughter to start packing her bags. She hastily replied, “Why don’t you just call my dad, you always text, you’ll get a quicker response.”  I stared at the phone for 3 minutes, boiling with anger. I thought, Why the hell do I have to call? If he wants to speak to me, he can call me! And, first of all, don’t tell me how to communicate with your father! I was extra frustrated. I mumbled to myself, Why do I have to call? I don’t have to cater to him. He has fingers to dial the phone. But why was I so livid?  Wasn’t I the one who wanted some information?

 

I called my life coach and asked why this so annoyed me. I was eating a salad, listening to Frank Sinatra to relax (recently I decided to try some new tunes), and wham! That little text sent me reeling. My coach listened as I went on and on projecting. Finally, he confirmed, “Well, you are right. If he would like to chat with you, he can call you.”  This was obvious. So why did that text make me jump out my skin? Was it because I already felt so many other responsibilities, and this was something about which I could get angry, fight, and complain. Did I feel he was not upholding equal responsibility in our communications? Would it had killed me to pick up the phone and call instead of text? Especially since I was the one in need of a time for pickup. Again, I was requesting information, not he. I also recognized that this anger surfaced because of what my daughter texted me. I assumed that my Baby Daddy had said something as he has in the past about my communication.

 

I took a step back and considered what one of my favorite bloggers preach at personal excellence (a wonderful series about managing anger). When you find yourself feeling annoyed and ticked off, consider answering the questions here in part 3 of her series.  The questions and your answers help you find the root cause of your anger and from which subconscious level it’s coming. After reflecting, I realized I was not only annoyed  because my Baby Daddy did not respond, but also because my daughter’s text, which shocked me,  reminded me of how inconsiderate and immature people can be, who can act vindictively, intentionally avoiding, rejecting, and projecting. I felt like I was responsible for someone else’s state of mind and feelings. How could I be upset about having to call when I was the one who needed to know the timeline!  Wow, that was deep! I immediately calmed down and thanked my coach. It’s simple: when I want to speak to someone, I should call and not expect someone to read my mind.    Now dont get me wrong, this does not take away the fact that people should be considerate but it does leave the onus up to you to react and control your emotions.  The point that I’m trying to make is that I had some resentment from old frustrating communications and was highly defensive.  This happens alot when two people are co-parenting.   Someone will always be out of alignment of the way you think they should act, behave or communicate.  Try this, next time you feel defensive about something ask yourself why, reflect on what is really bothering you and commit to openly dealing with it by yourself first.  This will be hard because the first thing we may want to do is confront the person who is triggering us.

This will help you when you’re co-parenting.  Take the necessary steps back to gather yourself and not “win”.  The question to ask is do I want to “win” or do I want peace?

 

My takeaways:

1. Don’t harbor resentment (I know that’s hard to do).  

2. Don’t feel anxious about other people’s reactions to your needs.

3. Change happens in practice.  You won’t get it right everytime.

See you in part two if this series.  Post in comments what your most concerns are.

 

In Part two of this series, we will dig much deeper into how to forgive yourself first and how to first give to yourself what you need from others.

Comment

Comment

The Big Decisions Happy People Make That You Should Make

We all know her name. We've watched the shows. We've watched the news cover her weddings. We've heard her name connected to infamous photos and controversy. For almost 10 years, her name has been thrown around, and whether you admit it or not, she's been relevant for that long. Yup, Kim Kardashian.

 

Now I won’t lie, I do watch the show.

 

While interviewing the Kardashians, Oprah said their family is a “phenomenon,” and she is right. But this post is really about how to live out your dreams, which I’ll get to.

 

First, let’s get something out the way. Living your dreams and desires is one of the scariest things to tackle. If you ever decided to go back to school, you know how terrifying it can be—how you didn’t want to tell your family members because you assumed they’d judge. Maybe a friend doesn’t believe you can finish law school and pushes you to just stay in your work cubicle. Maybe your mom thinks investing in a self-help program is a waste of money. Maybe your best friend thinks your new guy isn’t good enough for you, or your outlook on life is destructive and out of the norm.

 

This is why reality TV is so popular. These shows star fairly regular people who have the same troubles and concerns as you and millions of others. We tune in and watch them live their lives, say things they shouldn’t, make decisions that we may be to scared to make for fear of the consequences. Of course, we have all made a mistake or two, but was it a risk? Had you put yourself out there purposely in pursuit of happiness?  I’m not talking about extreme, reckless mistakes, but instead calculated risks. Maybe stepping out and taking the higher paying job even though you feel unqualified. Saying “no” to someone even if you think you won’t get another chance again. Moving to another neighborhood against everyone’s warnings, because you knew it would bring you greater joy. Dating that new guy, who is different from those you typically date, and being judged for it. These are the types of decisions that keep you up at night, stressed, possibly in tears, because you took a chance, you stepped out on faith, you followed your own dream, and you followed the courage of your convictions.

 

Take a look at this clip that shows the hard heartfelt moments Kim Kardashian had to face. Her infamous short-lived marriage, the decision she made making a porn video with her ex-boyfriend, and more.

 

Now okay, yes, Kim Kardashian is a millionaire who has made many controversial choices. I’d assume she lives a comfortable lifestyle most of the time and has had to face some harsh realities. I’m sure she wouldn’t be married with two children right now if she listened to everyone’s advice around her. I remember an episode or two that detailed her experience going to the doctor and undergoing two surgeries just to have her 2nd child.  Of course, she has the money to make such things happen but getting pregnant was not a guarantee. I’m also certain it was a very stressful decision to break off a marriage after only 72 days.  

 

I think about my own relationships. There were men I dated who I knew I really didn’t want to date anymore. However, because I feared making a rash decision and not being “nice”,  I didn’t break it off. I didn’t want to face the consequence if I made a wrong decision.  

 

 

Recently, I was so happy that I couldn’t tell anyone. Has this ever happened to you? You’re elated but too afraid to let the world know, or afraid that your exciting news will blow up in your face?  Or worse, you share your happy news with a few key people, and they are less than enthusiastic for you?

 

We must activate and manifest our own aspirations and experiences. When we feel empowered, we make decisions with the passion that follows. Some may think, oh, you’re selfish.  But I don’t see that. I see self-love transcending fear so a person can truly be happy.  

 

Now, back to me being happy and hiding it. I realized as we grow and activate a new life, we attract new people and those, who have been in our lives helping along the way, may have to step back for lack of better words.  Whatever has been working will probably not work anymore, which means we may need to upgrade our friendships.

 

As you make new and smarter decisions, your life will evolve in healthier, more stable ways. Those in your life before your transformation may not welcome this new you nor know how to rise to the new level at which you’re operating.  I’ve seen it happen in the weirdest situations—as simple as someone changing wardrobes and buying new shoes. Change can annoy a friend or cause jealousy because now you’re receiving attention. They may not understand your new decisions and how you operate. But hold back; leave fear behind and follow your true desires unapologetically.

 

Keep this in mind:

1.   You. Are. Gonna. Piss. People. Off.  Yup, best friends, associates, colleagues, whomever.  Be ready and get comfortable with the new treatment.

2.   Expect covert hostility. All of a sudden, calls to your best friend won’t be returned, your weekly nail appointment is now once a month.

3.   Find that one person who is happy for you no matter what and share with her/him until you can start adding new-leveled friends. If that one person starts to buckle, repeat step 1.

4.   Learn to be happy for yourself.  If you don’t learn to do this, you doubt that your happiness is not deserved.  Only you know your progress; celebrate quietly if you need to.

5.   Judge less and give more.  As you go through your days, pay attention to the ways in which you judge others and pull back your judgments.  While doing this, find ways to circulate your love.  Volunteer where you can have the greatest impact.

Comment